Secrecy (Obscurity) is a Valid Security Layer

I frequently find myself of two minds when faced with those who are
suffering from poverty and lack of education, and these depend heavily on my
mood and state of mind. If I’m in a poor or aggressive mood I tend to
quietly condescend, taking notes of the various indicators of class and
filling in the blanks of the person’s life.

Hasn’t read a book since grade school, check. Loves team sports, check.
Loves Jesus, check. Groups and dislikes ethnic groups other than his/her
own, check. Pretty standard, really.

Then I imagine how much suffering this person commonly endures. Low pay, low
station in work, He doesn’t smile. He works three jobs for crap pay to
barely afford rent and beer and cable. I wonder why it is that this person
exists, and why it is that people think it’s normal and ok for him to create
offspring with impunity. To me, he’s in pain and he’s bringing more of that
pain into the world.

Lately I’ve been catching myself when thinking such things, and it’s rather
unpleasant. Don’t I reject absolute free will? Doesn’t my belief system
dictate that this person doesn’t have an option? Yes. Well, then what kind
of idiot accepts this as truth and then still gets upset by watching
dominoes fall? My kind, evidently.

I then ease myself into a much more healthy, empathic state of mind–one in
which my ideas turn to offering help of some sort.

But on re-evaluation, I feel it’s ok to notice the insidious nature of
poverty and ignorance. And it’s ok to observe and analyze the ways these
things manifest in individuals and groups. But it’s only ok if the purpose
is to learn about a problem and trying to fix it. It’s not ok to just stare
and turn up one’s nose–or scowl, in my case.

So this is how I go through life looking at failures to live the good life
of love guided by knowledge. I move unpredictably between the worlds of
elitism and sympathy. I simultaneously want to identify, call out, and
address these manifestations of ignorance and suffering, but I feel bad
about even calling attention to it. So I’m left to act like a good San
Francisco liberal and pretend the suffering taking place 20 miles away isn’t
all that bad.

The places on the news are bad, but it’s ok for countless poor and ignorant
people five minutes from me to barely speak the national language, toil
their lives away doing physical work for minimum wage, waste most of their
money on alcohol and lottery, and pine for a large family. That’s ok, right?
Let’s not talk about that. No, let’s pretend those people don’t exist.

I want these people not to suffer, and I want them to stop creating more
suffering. And I want people to realize that they’re here and that they’re
not happy. Pregnant, working at McDonalds, with more kids at home, not
speaking the language, with no education. I often feel like a criminal going
through that drive through. Like I’m willfully participating in the illusion
that there’s nothing wrong with that picture. It’s a fucking travesty. It’s
a travesty that she lives that life, and that she’s likely creating more to
live one just like it.

Seeing it makes me angry. Seeing it hurts me. I respond with disdain, but
then I see how innocent and faultless this person is. She did nothing wrong
and she has no options. She’s in pain because she rolled bad dice, and I’m
in my nice car at the window because I got as lucky as she did unlucky.

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Shame on me for being angry. Shame on me for noticing all the signs of her
failure and lack of sophistication. She has those characteristics because
she was unlucky, and I noticed them because I wasn’t. I don’t deserve
anything good, and she doesn’t deserve anything bad.

It’s all luck. The prosperous are the fortunate; they are one and the same.

So all I have left is pity, but pity doesn’t spawn action. It spawns
complacency and politically correct avoidance of problems.

I need to determine how it is that I can stay observant of the world, and
notice it’s patterns of failure and suffering, while simultaneously
maintaining my mentality of empathy and thankfulness.

I abhor those who fail to notice how destructive these lifestyles are, and
how they propagate suffering throughout the world. But I dislike even more
the guy who sees it and gets turned into a snob by the information. I have
news for you, snob. You’re lucky and nothing else.

I am both of these people at different times. I’m mostly the compassionate
one, but too often the haughty one, and I don’t like either. If you’re
empathic and compassionate without seeing the cycle of pain this person is
contributing to, then you’re part of the problem. And if you see the problem
but don’t do anything but analyze the ways the person is beneath you then
you’re just another delusional asshole sold on the concept of “deserving”
something.

Don’t be either. Be better somehow.

[ Jun 15, 2011 ]