Challenges in Marriage

Introduction

In this subchapter, you are going to learn about the challenges in marriage and understand its benefits. Whenever a man and a woman marry, society expects a baby from them; so this subtopic will enable you understand the right time for pregnancy. This will also move you to understand the Islamic teachings about the responsibility of a husband and a wife. You will finally know the African traditional marriage and the values therein.

Ways of reconciliation in marriage

Activity 2.10 Reading the Surat and performing the tasks that follow

Do you know that in life we need to get over our challenges by reconciling with the problem? What does the word reconciliation mean? Islam does not encourage divorce. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “the most disliked of that which is permissible by the Almighty Allah is divorce.” (Reported by Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah) This explains the relevance of reconciliation in marriage..

In groups,

1. Read carefully Surat An-Nisa (4:35) and discuss what the verse says about reconciliation.
2. What lessons about reconciliation in marriage do we get from the verse?

3. How do married people reconcile in your community? Share with the class.

Challenges of marriage in the modern world

Do you know that the marriage institution has challenges? Before you study the challenges, brainstorm the meaning of challenge with your neighbour. Do you have challenges as a student? Make a list of the challenges you have in life and share them with your neighbour. So as you have challenges, so does marriage.

Activity 2.11 Studying the picture and performing the tasks that follow

In groups,

1. Talk about what is happening in the Figure 2.7
2. Describe the situation in the picture in line with marriage.
3. How can that situation be improved?
4. In your opinion, do you think such a situation can be a marriage? Give reasons for your answer.

You have worked through Activity 2 11. You identified poverty as a challenge to marriage. Work through the next activity to discover more challenges in marriage.

Activity 2.12 Reading the poem and performing the tasks that follow

The House Wife

At dawn, she wakes up Pulling the ragged sheets

Off her naked children Up! All of you, she commands

In a resigned tone

The tone of a hopeless commander

Far off they move To till the land

For it is from the land that they survive

They depend on the weather Dry though it is

They hope it will rain

For the planting season is soon

By Dolly

In groups,

1. Discuss the challenges that you think this family in the poem is going through.

2. Mention some of the marriage challenges brought out in the poem.
3. Exchange ideas about other challenges of marriage in the modern world.
4. Share ideas about the causes of marriage breakup in the modern world.

You have discussed poverty as a challenge in marriage but there are many other challenges which include; violence, diseases, barrenness, impotence, unfaithfulness, stress, disinterest, career, relatives, and many others. However all these can be solved or addressed through counselling, treatment, reconciliation, forgiveness, commitment, hardwork, and many others, in order to have a happy marriage.

Happiness in marriage

You have learnt about the challenges in marriage and how they affect happiness. You will discover from this section the need for happiness and how to achieve it in a marriage. In Islam the Q’uran has guidance on facts that lead to happiness.

Are you patient? Do you forgive? Are you kind to others? How has this made you happy in your life? The same thing applies to marriage, one is kind, patient and forgives the other, then it keeps their happy. The prophet said. “The best of you is the kindest to his wife mamage

In the next activity, you will read Surat An-Nisa (4:35) and share what it says about forgiveness and patience.

Activity 2.13 Reading the Surat and performing the tasks that follow

In groups,

1. Read carefully Surat An-Nisa (4:35) and discuss the message therein.
2. What lessons about marriage do we learn from the verse?

3. Share a situation when you forgave or showed kindness to another person.
4. How did it help you to move on without any more problems?
5. Why do you think married people should be kind to each other?
6. Share your answers with the teacher and the rest of the class.

Apart from the good cars, work and wealth, there are other vital things that promote happiness in marriage. According to Islam when both spouses enter marriage with pure intention of pleasing God, then their marriage becomes an act of worship and their marriage will be blessed and they will be happy. Since one’s spouse is his brother in Islam, they treat each other closely with kindness, having prayers together, meals and other things. All these bring happiness in marriage.

The Importance of children in marriage

As you already know, among the expectations in a marriage relationship is the bearing of children. Children are important in a marriage and if there are no children, the marriage may not remain peaceful. Imagine what would happen to your family if you had not been born. How important are you to your family?

Children are a blessing in marriage. This is why Allah in the Qur’an(6:151) prohibits abortions. A family blessed with children is definitely happier than one without. Therefore children should not be seen as a curse in a marriage, whatever their sexes.

Activity 2.14 Studying the picture and attempting the tasks that follow

In groups,

1. Describe what is happening in the picture in Figure 2.9.
2. Why do you think the couple is happy?
3. In the absence of the children, what can a couple do to keep happy?

4. What are the benefits of having children in a marriage relationship?
5. Share your views with the teacher and the rest of the class.

Role of husband and wife to each other

Both husband and wife have special responsibilities to safeguard their marriage. Do you know that the Qur’an clearly explains the duties and responsibilities of husband and wife? Islam expects every husband and wife to fulfill their duties. As you tackle the activities in this section, you will discover the responsibilities of a married couple towards each other.

Activity 2.15 Studying the picture and performing the tasks that follow

In groups,

1. Describe what is happening in Figure 2.10.
2. Apart from what is happening in Figure 2.10, give other responsibilities of wives in a marriage.
3. Identify responsibilities of husbands in marriage.

4. Share your views with the teacher and the rest of the class.

In order for you to learn more about these responsibilities, you will work through Activity 2.16.

Activity 2.16 Reading and interpreting the Surahs and perform the tasks that follow

In groups,

1. Read carefully Surat An-35) and Al-Tas).

2. Discuss what the verses say about the tes married couple towards each other
3. What lessons about marriage do we get from the verses
4. Using your community as an example, discuss toward people help each other
5. Use a manila paper to write down the Islamic responses of a husband and a wife, and pin them up on the class class board.

30:21 ”……. And among His signs is this that He created for you from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect ….”

The following can be considered as some of the r responsibities of a husband:

-He is the head of the family and has to provide to her as elaborated in 4:3.

-He ensures that islamic obligations are fulfilled.

-He maintains good relationship with the wife.

-He should be fair in case of polygamy as asserted in 4.3. ”4:3 ”…… but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them then marry only one ……”

-He satisfies the woman’s material and sexual desires as explained in 434. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has made one of them to expel the other and because they spend to support them from their means …….”

A wife/woman on the other hand should: .

-Serve her husband Q, 3021

-Guard her husband’s property.

-Make herself available for the husband.

-Keep secrets in her marriage.

-Should be honest to her husband.

This verse you have read above from the Qur’an emphasises distinct roles of wives and husbands in a family setting. It is a good act for a married person to fullfill their responsibilities to each other and one gets a reward for it, and if they do not fulfill their responsibilities one gets a curse from Allah. Therefore married people should take extra care about their responsibilities for each other.

Qur’an also states (3:38) “O my Lord: Grant me from you, a good offspring. You are indeed the All hearer of invocation.”

Benefits of marriage according to Surat Baqarah (2:187,223)

You have learnt about the responsibilities of the married couple towards each other. Do you have married people in your community? What do you think of them? Are they happy? Do they have children? How about people living together but not married? Are they happy? Has the idea of marriage ever crossed your mind?

In the next activity, you will discover the benefits of marriage according to Surat Baqarah 2:187 223.

Activity 2.17 Reading Surat Baqarah (2:187 and 223) and explaining the benefits of marriage

In groups,

1. With the help of the teacher, read carefully Surat Baqarah (2: 187 and 223)
2. What are the benefits of marriage according to the surat you have just read?
3. Prepare a speech about the benefits of marriage and share it with your class.

Marriage is compulsory in Islam and it was practiced by the prophet (sunnah). The Qur’an states in Surat Ar-Rad 13:38 “And indeed we sent messengers before you (Muhammad) and made for them wives and offsprings.

In this, marriage means to unite and bring together. Therefore, marriage

is important in Islam. How is it beneficial to Islam?

– Marriage promotes peace and self-respect.

-In marriage, couples achieve mutual mercy and love.

-Couples will have righteous offsprings.

-Allah enriches people as stated in An-Nur (24:32).

Courtship and marriage in traditional Africa

Introduction

You have learnt about courtship and marriage in Islam. You also discovered the importance and benefits of marriage in Islam.

You are now about to discover how Africans in the past courted and married. Have you heard about traditional Africa?

This is the society that existed before the coming of foreigners. People then had their own social, economic, political and religious way of life Practices like marriage were part of their social life.

You should know that our ancestors in traditional Africa also had marriages. But were those marriages different from the current marriages or the same? What were the functions like? You will also notice that the concept of marriage is as old as man. Think about the marriages you see today and the marriages that existed long ago.

Work through Activity 2.18 to discover more.

Activity 2.18 Researching about courtship and marriage in traditional Africa

In groups,

1. During your free time or at home, use the internet, or ask an elder to research about courtship and marriage in traditional Africa.

2.How do they differ from christian and muslim marriages today?

3. Basing on your discoveries above, prepare a piece of advice to young African boys and girls about courtship.

4. Type and print or write your report for a general class discussion.

In Africa the courtship period was mainly led by the elders of society. This is because people considered marriage a family affair. The parents identified the partner and found out the character, habits, strengths and weaknesses and other information. After they were satisfied, negotiations for marriage took place. This is how married people got together. Today people meet in informal gatherings like dance parties and identify their marriage partners.

Practices of traditional African marriages

You discovered courtship and marriage in traditional Africa. You will now learn about the good practices of traditional African marriage.

Activity 2.19 Reading the story and identifying good practices therein

My friend Naira was living with her parents after university. Her father got her a man to get married to from the mosque Naira met with the man who was called Musa. Naira and Musa liked each other, and started their courtship. After a month they organised their wedding (Nikkah). Naira was a virgin so she asked for bride wealth of 5 million because she was worth it. Musa paid her bride price with a lot of things that brought prestige to their home. After a year, Naira gave birth and they had a happy family, they became rich, and had a blessed marriage.

Both their parents were happy for them. All parents who brought up their children responsibly in that village got the pride and respect that Naira’s family got. Grown children got married and they were prepared well by their parents.

In groups,

1. Summarise the positive aspects of the story.
2. What do you like about this story?

Revision Tasks

1. Identify the good practices in African traditional marriage.
2. What lessons do you learn from the story in Activity 2.19?
3. What has changed today?
4. Compare good practices in African traditional marriage to those of Islamic marriage.